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Took a last early morning walk around Siena, stopping at the same place I've had my early morning java for the past many days. The owner and patrons have warmed up to me after, in very broken Italian, I explained that I was from San Francisco, and had brought the weather (which has been unseasonably cold and wet) with me -- "mea culpa, mea culpa". They laugh and then ask me when I'm leaving.
Then on the bus from Siena to Assisi, seeing lovely estates with vineyards, and also industrial areas, auto malls, and gas stations -- gasoline is around 1.39 Euro.
Then Assisi. It's very odd, but it is as though I know this town. I trekked up to the St. Anthony's Guest House, run by Franciscan Sisters of the Atonement from Boston.
What a lovely place! And a very Franciscan joyful welcoming (just one of the many reasons I love the Franciscans -- they're big on joy.)
My first excursion was to the beginning of the trail to St. Francis' Hermitage (I plan on hiking there tomorrow).
It was at the moment I saw the path through the woods that my "encounter with Saint Francis" began. It is said all pilgrims to Assisi experience an encounter with him. At the beginning of that path, I could almost hear him say, "Salve, Megan, I am so glad you are here. Just follow where I lead, and you will find a new place of peace in your heart."
He lead me back into town and directly to the basilica that holds his tomb. I intended to just quickly pay my respects, and return another time when there weren't so many people. I knelt, said a prayer, and then sat down at a pew to the right of his tomb and closed my eyes -- just for a moment, I thought. Well, I went into a deep meditation and experienced a very quiet, very loving place in my soul -- yet it was still holding on to some deep pain.
As I was about to leave the church, I saw an area with signs that said "This area for Reconciliation only." I asked if there were any English-speaking priests, and experienced the sacrament of reconciliation with a young Franciscan from Kenya.
I confessed my sins -- "sin" meaning where I have turned away from God/Love. But I also asked about this pain that does not seem to want to leave. The young Kenyan priest explained:
There is the pain that prepares us, pushes us, prunes the dead wood. We recognize it because it cuts deep into hardened ways of being.
Then there is the pain that distorts, distracts, distances us from God. We know it because it never changes and does not want us to change.
The first type of pain happens as
God calls us to our journey. Though difficult, and at times we try to resist or avoid it (as did Jesus in the garden), we feel the need to be made ready for what God's will is for us and we keep faith and allow this pain to do its work.
The second type happens to distract us from our calling. It haunts us, shames us, tells us we have no meaning. But that's all it is -- just a distraction. When it gets loud, bless it, and thank it for reminding us that we are being called.
And then he said "You see? It's really very simple." -- and then laughed one of those joyful Franciscan laughs.
After his blessing, I walked home and watched this sunset.
Thank you, Saint Francis, for leading me this day.
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